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Happy Mother’s Day to all of you. Everywhere I look, people seem excited about the forthcoming Mother’s Day celebration. Over time, the core ethos of this celebration has changed for everyone. Now, not only do we express our love to our birth mothers, but we have also come to recognize the mother figures in our lives as well. Motherhood is not limited to its traditional dimensions anymore. We have started to honour plant mothers, pet mothers, godmothers, and mentors as mothers on this special day. Many of us call our business or career our child. Women have an innate ability to nurture anything and everything they touch.

There is a commercial aspect associated with this celebration. I saw Mother’s Day gifts and goodies sharing shelf space with easter chocolates and bunnies. Although commercialization has made this lovely holiday feel somewhat performative, it still gives us an opportunity to express our feelings to the one most important woman in our lives. 

This Mother’s Day, I want to share a bit about two mothers who raised my mom and dad. Yes, I want to cherish and pay homage to two admirable women in my life. They were in stark contrast to each other, and without my realizing it, they influenced me a lot. I am going to share their personalities and a folk tale that my grandma, “Dadi,” told me.

First, let me introduce both of them. My dad’s mom was named Savitri, and I called her “Dadi”, which simply means paternal grandma in Hindi. My Maternal grandma’s name was Susheela, and I called her “Nani ji” in Hindi. My Nani ji was a very strong woman, very strict and disciplined too. I have only one uncle and two aunts; my mom is the youngest of four. We used to spend a couple of weeks every summer in my uncle’s house. All my cousins would come, and we all used to have a blast. We ate watermelon in the afternoon, and kulfi (ice cream) at night. The only problem was that we were all scared of Nani Ji.

She would always compare me to my older cousin, who was a show-off. She would do all the chores and even help out in the kitchen. I liked to read my storybooks in the afternoon, and Nani ji used to try and discipline me. My sister was so scared of Nani ji that she would start crying the moment she made any mistake. But my Nani ji was not Hitler; she never raised her voice or punished us. She had the aura of a leader who is respected and feared at the same time.

My Nana ji (Grandpa) owned a restaurant, so we had huge containers of milk, butter, and Ghee at home. Neighbours and locals would come home to buy these things, and my Nani ji used to take care of this small business from home. I never saw her working in the kitchen. My aunts (my uncle’s wife and my mom’s elder sister) were in charge of the food. But instructions came from my Nani ji. I also never saw her doing pooja (prayers) for a long time, like other women her age. In fact, she took care of her diet and exercise. She would often tell me that a woman has to run the house; it’s a skill that would help you in the long run. She always encouraged me to study well, but she also knew that women have it much harder than men.

When I got my admission and a full scholarship to come and study abroad, she laughed and said, “We’re all really proud of you, but we won’t be able to find a highly educated boy for you. You should find a life partner for yourself.” My parents were taken aback; they didn’t want to put any ideas in my head. They had their own fears to deal with. Far from their eyes, in an unknown country, their daughter was going to be all alone.

Many years later, I did find a guy for myself, and I wish my Nani ji could meet my husband… She left us when I was in my final year of PhD.

While thinking of her one day, I just told my mom. “I have never known anyone like Nani ji. She was just so different.” My mom replied, “You are a lot like your Nani ji.” I was shocked, “Me how?”

My mom’s reply that day actually introduced me to my real Nani ji. She told me that my Nani ji liked to read a lot, just like me. She was a big fan of movies, art and didn’t like to cook. I said, “Women shouldn’t have to cook, and Indian cooking just kills time.” Exactly, my mom continued, “She was a perfectionist and liked everything tidy. And the biggest of all, she was progressive, open-minded and way ahead of her time.” My mom said that people used to refrain from mixing with lower-caste people. Your Nani ji used to have tea with restaurant workers. She would visit their homes if they got sick and help out in every way possible.

I was surprised to the core. I never knew this side of my Nani ji. Now every time I think of her, I am filled with more love and respect for her. Sometimes it is hard to see through people like my Nani ji. We only notice the fluff on the surface and rarely get to know the real person beneath it.

I am deeply gratified to know that I got some good traits from my one and only Nani ji. I would love to relive my childhood memories with my “Dadi” too, but let’s pause here for now. And next Thursday, I will tell you about my “Dadi” and one of her unforgettable stories. So, stay tuned… 😊

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